Small Treats or Overindulgence? Have I Stepped Over the Frugal Line?

What's the difference between small delights and decadence? And is it OK to build small treats into a frugal budget? I ask because I'm typing this post with shiny fingernails with white tips.

I have had a french manicure! The manicure took place over a week ago and I've found a frugal way to stretch out my fine-tipped fingers. (More on this later.) What's more, I found a frugal salon with high sanitary standards.

But what was I doing in the manicurist salon? Yes, I had to attend a weekend of events, including a big post-nuptial party for dear friends. But the truth: I was luxuriating in the pleasure of having my hands soaked, softened and wrapped in warm towels. I loved having my hands massaged and oiled with assorted potions for my dry skin and cuticles. And don't forget the filing and the painting: I was in salon heaven! It was a luxurious 20 minutes, with all of the magazines that I could read without ruining the wet paint on my nails.

I justified this little treat by promising myself that it would not be a weekly routine. Periodically, I told myself, I also go to professional basketball games and to movie theaters. But when does a periodic treat become a decadent indulgence? Here's my quiz:

1) How did you pay for the treat? It's a treat if I really have the money (through saving, budgeting or sacrifice) for the luxury. But luxuries become decadent if I have to neglect bills or other financial goals to pay for the treat.

2) How often will this so-called treat take place? It's a treat if the luxury takes place only once in a while. Luxuries slide into decadence if my treats become regular appointments in my date book.

3) Did you enjoy yourself? Treats are occasional luxuries if I can sit back and really enjoy the experience. Luxuries slide into decadence if I take the pampering for granted. It's dangerous if the luxury feels as regular as dental floss.

I'm curious about your dividing line between treats and decadence. What are the warning signs of overindulgence?




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Stay Real & Other Advice from Women for the Next President

ALL YOU magazine a Time Inc. publication recently surveyed 4,500 readers about the 2008 election and asked readers to provide advice for the next President and First Lady. Here are some of the answers:

• “Take care of my family as if it were your own.”
• “Listen to the people. They are your voters.”
• “Stay in touch with the needs of average Americans.”
• “Please think of the 'common American.' Hard working, family oriented, trying to get by.”
• “I'd tell them to not be afraid of making mistakes, and acknowledging those mistakes. If a mistake is made, it's important to acknowledge it, and to change courses.”
• “Be specific on how my family's life is going to improve or change. How are you going to keep us safe?”
• “Remain true to the ideals that were used to fashion our country from the very beginning.”• “Write down what you are saying you will do -- and then check that list frequently!”
• “Stay real.”


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Cheapskate's Adult Daughter Moves Back Home: WSJ

The Wall Street Journal has a relatively new feature called Cheapskate by Neal Templin. This week the Cheapskate writes about the thrifty lessons his daughter learned during college and after graduation.

Frugal College Years

Mariana --the daughter -- traveled a frugal path through college. (Tuition was covered by a partial scholarship and parental contributions.) Here's how she did it:

• Cut her own hair
• Purchased second-hand clothes
• Shopped for groceries at a store that offered huge price cuts
• Worked two part-time jobs to pay for living expenses

Post-College Return Home

After graduating from college, Mariana found a position with a New York publisher. Good luck! When I found my first publishing job in NYC, I silently wondered if the job came with food stamps and an application for Section 8 housing. The salary was about $15,000 and I had to work at night as a waitress to pay the rent on an apartment I shared with two girls.

Mr. Cheapskate has an accurate grip of the situation:

If she lives in New York, I suspect her paycheck will be gobbled up by rent, groceries and the like," Templin writes.

Faced with that reality, Mariana will move in with her parents. Her father --the Cheapskate -- doesn't plan to charge rent. He's grateful to have her home.

It's a great read with frugal nuggets.

Here are links to a few of his columns:

We Managed to Sell Our Home And Keep Our Marriage Intact

The High Cost of a Bargain Meal

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10 Ways to Lose a Bad Attitude & Other List-Filled Links: A Midweek Roundup

These posts feature lists about airline fees, survival strategies, green living, happiness and other quality-of-life issues. The following posts caught my eye:



From Wise Bread: 4 Reasons Why Green is Good, But Isn't Always Better



From The Simple Dollar: Nine Things to Do When the Going Gets Tough



From AllFinancialMatters: Got a Bad Attitude? These Ten Actions Will Help You Snap Out of it!



From Get Rich Slowly: The Psychology of Happiness: 13 Steps to a Better Life



From The Budget Fashionista: Kathryn’s Five Greatest Posts: The Budget Fashionista 5th Anniversary



From Consumerist: Top 3 Most and Least "Fee Crazy" Airlines [Airline Fees]


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Letting the Fallen Child (on Crutches) Get Up Alone: A Lesson In Discipline

Scenario: We are a group of women --mostly mothers -- talking around a table when a child (I'll call the kid "Jim") falls. All kids fall, but this accident seems to be a big deal, because "Jim," about eight years old, always walks with crutches.

Of course, when Jim falls, I immediately stir to jump to my feet. Poor thing, I think. Likewise, the woman next to me is ready to pounce. And then I see Jim's mother, she has not moved. While the rest of us begin to shuffle to our feet, Jim's mother just sits: patiently and calmly.

The rest of us are stunned by Jim's mother's reaction and we just watch her sit. We take our cues from her and watch as Jim --with crutches attached to both arms -- pushes to find a balance.

I'm near tears. But Jim stands up with a smile and the mother smiles back at the child. The other eager-to-help mom next to me catches my eye and we nod at each other like two bobble head toys.

We get it: Through self-discipline, Jim's mother has taught her child a lesson that applies to money, school, hearts and deeds. It's okay to fall as long as we try to get up. And sometimes, children learn to recover from small tumbles by getting up on their own.

In hindsight, I realize how embarrassed Jim would have felt if a table of able-bodied, well-meaning moms had rushed to the rescue. Our so-called kindness would have shamed the child and stolen a triumphant.

Under our breaths, the other anxious-to-help mom and I trade comments of wonder about the self-discipline displayed by Jim's mom. If we felt anxious and disturbed by the fall, Jim's mother must have felt alarmed. But she smiled, watched and waited.

That scene took place just days ago and has made me think about my own actions as a mother and a person. Here are the questions, I've been asking myself:

1) Am I too quick to rush in with solutions to homework problems, lost money, disappointments and falls? Do I try to be a "Catcher in the Rye?" Have I become a human-shield?

2) Do my children know how to recover from public and private falls? Am I teaching the right lessons?

3) Do I have the patience to watch my children find their balance or am I a crutch?

As a person, I've learned:

1) It's okay to fall.

2) It's okay to fall in public with a room of people watching.

3) We all have crutches --some are physical; some are emotional; some are visible and some are not.

4) Find the humor and the lesson in every fall. It's there on the floor.

5) Believe you can get up.

And finally, I am grateful to have witnessed such a scene. Quite frankly, I've had devastating emotional and financial falls as a young woman. But Jim's recovery has given me hope and humor. What's more, I'm grateful to myself for paying attention.

Through close attention I noticed that Jim's mom was as still as a rock and then, I became a rock like Jim's mom.


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You Talk, I Answer About Sales Clerks, Kids & Money

A recent post about the teen sales clerk who befriended my 10-year-old daughter sparked a few comments. The conversation continues with my responses to the various comments. Feel free to leave feedback.

The short summary:

Telling My Daughter the Truth about Her New 'Friend,' The Salesclerk!

I had to tell my daughter the truth. At the risk of hurting my baby's feelings, I had to tell her that the cool teenager in the 'tween-age clothing store was not really a friend. The 16-year-old salesclerk --so cute, so charming -- was more interested in my 10-year-old daughter's wallet. I hope I did the right thing.

Evelyn said...

Oh you absolutely did the right thing. It's one of those life-lessons we never want our kids to experience, but an oh-so-necessary one. And who better to teach it than you to help her understand it ... instead of learning from the "school of hard knocks" later on. The more tools we give our kids when they are under are wings, makes it much easier for them to fly on their own when that time comes.

Thanks Evelyn:
I appreciate your feedback. Sometimes, it's hard judge when we're providing our kids with the right tools and when we're turning them into hardened cynics. I appreciate your vote of confidence.

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Penny said...

Honestly, salesclerks in stores DO NOT make commission unless they work in shoes. Clothing stores do not pay commission to people that sell tshirts and skirts. So, I think that while it was good to tell your daughter that the girl wasn't her friend -- you also have to look at the sales clerk and realize she's probably just a nice girl that likes to help out tweens because she is probably bored out of her mind. Seriously, I used to work at a clothing store and if you never help customers it's pretty boring.

Penny:
Thanks for your input. The sales clerk's behaviour could be attributed to kindness, boredom, a strong work ethic or the need for approval from her manager. Her motives may have been admirable.

But I felt a pang of concern because my daughter's wish to return to the store and spend money seemed driven by a need to please the nice teen sales clerk who had spent time with my daughter.

I had to say something. I was very kind to the sales clerk. I smiled, but I felt the need to draw some boundaries for my 10-year-old daughter.

Thanks so much for your feedback. It was great to get the other side of the story and I thank you for reading my blog and writing a comment!

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pam munro said...

The lesson is that people can be friendly and even charming and not necessarily be your friend - There was no harm in acknowledging a friendly salesgirl - there are too many snooty ones and fresh-faced enthusiasm should be encouraged - but she is acting in her salesgirl capacity - which you should make clear to your daughter -

Hi Pam:

I agree with you very much and thank you for your comment!

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Anonymous said...
I think you absolutely did the right thing. It is a hard lesson to learn but one that is best learned early. I think you chose your words VERY well. Think of it this way - in a few years she may be talking to a car salesman who wants to talk her into extended warranties and all kinds of extra bells and whistles for a car. You want her to be cautious of who she gives her money to. WELL DONE!

Thanks Anon!
Your comment means a lot to me. And you're right about future negotiations with car salesman and other vendors. Too often, we are steered and pushed toward trinkets and services that are not in our best interest. Even at the cosmetics counter, I sometimes feel a temptation to spend more money when the sales associate is especially nice. Thanks for stressing the importance of caution and discipline!

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Kristen said...
A great story and a great lesson in being a savvy consumer for your daughter. I own a store for tweens (boys and girls), and it was interesting for me to hear the emphasis the salespeople there put on showering the kids with attention. Our customer service is mostly geared to the parents. Any kind of hard sell is offensive to me, but to kids? Wildly inappropriate.

Kristen:
Your perspective as store owner is very valuable. It's good to hear that your sales approach is marketed toward the adults and not kids. At this store, however, the older teen girls aimed their pitch right at the kids and, like you, I found that tactic to be offensive. Thanks for your comment.

~~~~~

Lauren said...
I think your actions and explanation to your daughter were dead on accurate. Even as adults we get caught up in slick marketing and advertising. Buy this and you will look like me, use that and your life will be wonderful.The cute 'tween clerk was overtly operating the same way. Kudos to you for recognizing it, and then taking the "teachable moment" to educate your daughter!

Chaucey said...
I think you did the right thing. I think a lot of people haven't learnt this lesson and end up overspending because the salesperson has been so nice to them. I read about this is in a marketing book where the concept was called reciprocity.

Thanks Lauren & Chaucey:
Great comments with thoughtful insights about marketing and "teachable" moments. Thank You! Thank YOU!


Thanks to all for writing!
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Early Death & Dying Printers: Weekly Reading: My Favorite Links

Frugal fixes for printers, Tropical Storm Fay and early death. Those are a few of the financial topics that caught my eye this week:

From The Digerati Life: No Bank Account? Big Problem

From Frugal Freedom: Money For Now Or Later?

From Get Rich Slowly: Fix Your Own Printer and Save Money

From The Budget Fashionista: Personal Finance Advice: Are You Scaling Back Yet?

From Mommy's Got Green: Florida "Fay"-tigue

From Millionaire Mommy Next Door: Why Women Need More Money Than Men -- and What Can Be Done to Make It Happen

From Dual Income No Kids: $50,000 in 5 Years

By the way, check out my answers to various questions --blogging, money, gender and shoes --at the Wise Bread Forum: Ask the Frugal Duchess a question! (Women of Personal Finance Spotlight) Thanks!

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5 Shoes Ties Between Carrie Bradshaw & Me: Frugal Lessons Inspired by Sex and the City

Based on my history as a former New Yorker and part-time shoe model, I've been asked to examine the ties that lace me to Carrie Bradshaw and the Sex and the City girls. That question came from Will in the Wise Bread forum for bloggers. Here's my answer:

5 Shoes Ties Between Carrie Bradshaw & Me

1. Shoes: I used to collect shoes. At one point, I had over 50 pairs of shoes in my closet. However, whereas Carrie B. wears expensive Manolo Blahnik shoes ($400-$600), I collected discounted high-end shoes from Marsalls. I've purchased BCBG shoes for $22-29. (Full price: triple digits!) Nine West shoes for $6 and other bargains.

But my frugal shoe fetish was dangerous. On the screen, Carrie B. and her pumped-up fictional friends are aware of their expensive foot path. I lacked self-awareness and honesty. With my bargain shopping, I could easily trick myself into believing that I was really saving money.

Ha! Eventually, I started investing more energy (and dollars) in soulful pursuits and spending less on the soles of my feet. Of course, my heart still beats faster when I find a great deal on pretty shoes, but I can walk away from the shoe rack with my budget intact.

2. The Keyboard Connection: Carrie B. is a newspaper columnist. I'm a newspaper columnist. We both write from our personal observations. We both write about important issues: Carrie B. writes about sex; I write about money.

3. New York Lives: Carrie could have been one of my neighbors. In fact, I'm convinced that I once bumped into her at a small grocery store in Manhattan.

4. Mr. Big: No comment. TMI.

5. Valuable Friends: Carrie's close relationships with her friends are wonderful. Her friends provide free therapy sessions and column fodder. I can relate to those close connections. Even when my bank account was depleted, I've always felt rich in friendships.

My advice to Carrie:

#1 Forget the labels. In fact, by the end of the Sex and the City movie, she marries Mr. Big in a no-name dress at City Hall. This event takes place after their initial broken engagement and cancelled big-ticket reception with the over-the-top wedding gown. Clearly, Bridezilla had a high-profile meltdown!

At the end of the day, Carrie realizes that The Dress, The Label, The Reception shouldn't overshadow the real milestones of life. She frugally takes vows in a plain suit. Part of me wishes that we were all born smart and could just skip all of our financial, personal and professional meltdowns. Why can't we go straight to the happy ending and the credits?But that insight leads me to my second piece of advice for Carrie B.

#2 Enjoy the journey. It's all a process. I've learned about living frugally and meaningfully through excessive mistakes. Errors can pay long-term dividends or at least provide material for a blog post if we're honest enough to examine our mistakes.

Check out my answers to other questions at the Wise Bread Forum: Ask the Frugal Duchess a question! (Women of Personal Finance Spotlight) Thanks!

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Come Visit Me: Frugal (Virtual) Trip to Miami Beach

Hey! Now that Tropical Storm Fay has finally left Florida, it's sunny in Miami Beach. So consider visiting me...I'm hanging out at a Wise Bread forum:

Here's what the the folks from Wise Bread mentioned:

"For this entire week (8/18- 8/24), Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be answering questions in our forum about blogging, personal finance, and her new book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money Anywhere "

So please top by, visit the forum and ask a question! Thanks!

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Hit the Yard Sales & Other Tips for Holiday Shopping in August

Browse through thrift stores and yard sales for gifts for the 2008 holiday shopping season. That's one of several tips from the folks at Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS). Here are other ideas:

"To help people plan appropriately and avoid debt, CCCS asked its clients to share tips on how they are preparing for a debt-free holiday.

Start shopping now. "I've been using my tip money from work to pay for gifts, and I'm spreading out buying them so I don't have a large expense at one time," says Megan Wilburn of Greenville, S.C. "My goal is to be done buying gifts by Thanksgiving."

She continues: "Another great reason to buy now is that you aren't rushed. I think often times when we save all the shopping until the end, we spend more because we are in a hurry. We have the mind set that we 'just need to get something' so we don't think it through and spend more. And one more reason to shop now is, if you have a specific gift in mind, you can watch for it to go on sale or watch for coupons to purchase it."

Many retailers are struggling and many are putting lots of great items on sale to encourage consumers to shop. Use your list and check out the weekly sale papers for deals on things you are planning to buy. In addition to weekly sales papers, use online comparison shopping sites to find the best prices. Sites such as www.pricegrabber.com, www.bizrate.com, and www.mysimon.com compare the prices of multiple retailers on the same item. Be sure to review return policies, as some things you buy in September may not be able to be returned after the holidays.

Make small "changes." Several clients suggest that when you pay cash for something, save the change. It adds up quickly and provides additional money for holiday shopping.

"Every time you buy a non-essential item, such as a cup of coffee or cigarettes, set aside an equal amount for your holiday purchases," says Rose Wallace of Canton, Ohio. "If you can't afford the savings portion, don't buy the item until you can. This will serve two purposes: You will save money and also be made to realize what you are spending money on and how quickly it adds up."

Make a list and a budget. Make a list of all the people you want to buy gifts for and how much you want to spend on each person. Once you know your total shopping budget, start setting aside money out of each paycheck to cover the expense. If you aren't likely to put the money in your savings account, see if your employer will provide direct deposit and put it in there before you get your check.

Earn extra money. If you can't make room in your current budget for holiday spending, there are lots of ways to make a little extra money between now and December. Consider getting a part-time job, or if possible, work overtime at your current job. Set aside any extra money you earn. Hold a yard sale-you will earn money and clean out the house at the same time. Sell used books on Amazon.com or other items on sites like Ebay.

Shop yard sales and thrift shops. You can pick up new and nearly new toys and other items throughout the year and store them for the holidays. You might also find the perfect gift that needs a little repair work and you will have plenty of time to get it just right.

Online shopping. While online shopping represented $29 billion in retail sales last holiday season, there are still great deals to be had. By getting an early start on your holiday shopping, you can take advantage of sales on seasonal items and look for the best prices on items you know you want to buy. You can then order items online or purchase them locally. Before you buy, search for discounts- www.couponcabin.com is a great resource for coupon codes that can save you shipping charges or a percentage off your total purchase.

If you are looking for a collectible item for a favorite aunt or a hard-to-find video game for your nephew, auction sites like Ebay may have just what you are looking for and the competition for sought after items may be less now than in November."

source: CCCS
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How to Get Free Wi-Fi at Airports that Charge for Internet Connections

If you're stuck at an airport that charges for Internet connections, here's a solution: Go to the gift shop and ask for a a free Wi-Fi pass.


That's what happened to me last week. I was in LaGuardia Airport and my flight -- surprise, surprise -- was delayed. I decided to use that gift of time to check my e-mail and do a little bit of work. So I charged up the laptop and tried to go online. No luck. The airport offered a pay-as-you-go system called "Boingo" and I was not able to hitch a ride on any of the other unsecured Wi-Fi systems.

But while looking at the Boingo pay-now portal, I noticed that there was slot for a promotional code. HMMM?


Minutes later in the gift shop, I saw a stack of "15 minutes Free Wi-Fi" coupons from Boingo. Boingo provides Wi-Fi at over 500 airports, 17,000 hotels (Marriotts & Hiltons, etc) and 9,000 McDonald's.


Hmm. The clerk gave me a Boingo card and I sat down to log on for free minutes. The promotional code did not work, but I called the tech support number and the Boingo customer rep offered me a complimentary code that would get me online while I was waiting for my flight.

That did the trick. My flight was called and I had no need for the free pass. But I learned the following lessons:


1) Inquire about free Internet passes at the airport gift shops.


2) If there are no passes, go to the fee-based Wi-Fi portal (web site) and look for a toll-free number. Ask the customer rep for a promotional code that will provide you with free minutes.


By the way, the customer service number for Boingo is 1-800-880-4117. I'm keeping that number with me when I travel.
_______

I'm hosting a Q&A session at a Wise Bread Forum. Please stop by and say hi . Your questions and comments are appreciated.

Here's the note from the folks at Wise Bread:

"For this entire week (8/18- 8/24), Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be answering questions in our forum about blogging, personal finance, and her new book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money Anywhere "

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Kiplinger's Financial Tips for Teaching Kids About Money

After yesterday's post about shopping with my daughter, this financial lesson plan for kids tagged me at the home plate. It's from the folks at Kiplinger’s Personal Finance and it's an age-by-age guide.

The tip about declining prepaid debit cards for kids is wonderful!

Here is the article with a link to the full article in the magazine:

"The new school year is a time of fresh beginnings—a great opportunity for parents to establish some financial lessons. How much allowance should your kids receive? At what age? In the September issue of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance, deputy editor and “Kids and Money” columnist Janet Bodnar explains what your children need to know about money—and how and when to teach them:

Ages 3-5: Big-Picture Years. Keep things simple and don't expect too much. Encourage kids to put coins in a vending machine or pay the ice-cream man. They can play with fun savings banks, learn the difference between pennies, nickels and dimes, or collect state quarters. The more hands-on the activity, the better.

Ages 6-7: Time to Start an Allowance. How much to give? Start with a basic weekly allowance equal to half the child's age. Tie the allowance to "financial chores"—spending responsibilities that the kids take over from you. To make the connection between work and pay, give your children the opportunity to earn money by doing extra jobs such as vacuuming or raking leaves.

Ages 8-10: Bank on It. Help your kids open their own savings account. Should you require your kids to save? Not necessarily—but you can have them divvy up their allowance into pots of money for spending, saving, charitable giving, even investing. Have your children save toward a goal, whether it's a toy or a new baseball glove. And you can always encourage kids to save by matching what they put aside for your very own family 401(k).

Ages 11-13: Parent Power. As you head into the difficult 'tween years, remember that parents have power. Kids will listen to you if you have a clear message and deliver it consistently. Expand their allowance money to include more discretionary purchases such as video games and movie tickets. Kids shouldn't hit you up for 20 bucks every time they head to the mall. Having to chip in their own money puts a natural brake on spending. If you're an investor, introduce them to the stock market with small purchases of stock through sites such as www.ShareBuilder.com and www.MyStockDirect.com.

Ages 14-15: Stick With Cash. Parents should decline prepaid debit cards which banks aim squarely at this age group. Stick with cash. Even at this age, plastic of any kind isn't as real to kids as money they can see and feel. Expand their allowance to include clothing, concerts and other high-school entertainment. Encourage them to get a job—at least over the summer.

Ages 16-18 and Into College: Hold the Plastic. Teens don't realize that a credit card is not free money. They need to know that when you use a card, you're borrowing from the card issuer, which will charge you a high rate of interest. Cash is still king. Help your kids open a checking account (and get a debit card) so they can learn how to balance a checkbook—either by using a check register or online entry—before they head off to college."

Source: Kiplinger’s Personal Finance

Here the link to the full article about financial lessons for kids.

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Telling My Daughter the Truth about Her New 'Friend,' The Salesclerk!

I had to tell my daughter the truth. At the risk of hurting my baby's feelings, I had to tell her that the cool teenager in the 'tween-age clothing store was not really a friend. The 16-year-old salesclerk --so cute, so charming -- was more interested in my 10-year-old daughter's wallet.

I hope I did the right thing.

'Tween Queens

Here's the scenario: To kill time before a movie, my daughter and I wandered into a store that targets girls ages 8-12. It's a great concept. Driven by Miley Cyrus --Hannah Montana -- and other young stars, the 'tween market for merchandise is hot.

Preteen girls have allowances and a desire for cute clothes and trinkets. As a frugal mom, I should have re-directed our window-shopping expedition. But my daughter wanted to check out the bright store, which featured videos, magazines and other gear from various Nick Jr. and Disney stars.

Immediately, a salesgirl in a ponytail and jeans, swooped down on us. Before I could say "bling-bling," the cute salesclerk had picked out several outfits for my daughter, complete with a cute matching cap.

Long Lines, Short Time Frame

With our movie about to start, we did not have time for the dressing room or the lengthy cashier line. My daughter promised to return. After the movie, my daughter gushed about the really nice salesclerk as we ran back to the store. (What was I thinking? Clearly, I had 'tween fever!)

"She was so nice," my daughter said. "She spent so much time with me. I just want to go by and say 'hi' to her. I promised her that I would come back after the movie."


Shopping Reality Trip

At this point, I halted in the middle of the crowded mall.

"She's not really your friend," I blurted out. "She just wants you to buy all that stuff that she picked out for you."

"You mean she doesn't really like me?" My daughter is visibly distressed.

I soften up and carefully select my words.

"Sure, she likes you. But she also likes your business. She wants you to buy those outfits. She makes more money when you spend more money," I said.

Reconsidering the Merchandise

When we returned to the store, my daughter made a big effort to track down and wave to the friendly salesgirl, who at this point was best-buds with another little girl and a huge stack of trendy clothing.

My daughter studied the cute plaid hat. It was $15. I mentioned that the hat might be cheaper --marked down -- in a few months. But I still let her decide if she wanted to spend her hard-earned money, (she works as a mother's helper), on the little cotton cap. My daughter returned the hat to the display. She'd rather save her money and besides the line was still so long.

What would you have done? Would you have told her the truth about the salesclerk? Should I have continued to let her believe that the cool clerk was a friend?

~~~~
By the way, I'm hosting a Q&A session at a Wise Bread Forum:

"For this entire week (8/18- 8/24), Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be answering questions in our forum about blogging, personal finance, and her new book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money Anywhere "

______________

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Welcome to Wise Bread Readers & My Weekly Roundup

Welcome Wise Bread Readers! Welcome to my weekly roundup of favorite posts. By the way, I'm hosting a Q&A session at a Wise Bread Forum:

"For this entire week (8/18- 8/24), Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be answering questions in our forum about blogging, personal finance, and her new book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money Anywhere "

Please drop by and ask a question or two. Last week at the Wise Bread forum, SVB from The Digerati Life was in the spotlight as the guest host, and the session featured great questions and thoughtful answers! It's a bookmark. Thanks to all the folks at Wise Bread for inviting me to their forum.

Weekly Roundup: Links I Liked

Here are a few posts that caught my eye over the last week:


From The Simple Dollar: Winning the Battle Against Low Quality Generics While Still Saving Money

From Mapgirl's Fiscal Challenge: If I Were to Buy a House Today…

From AllFinancialMatters: Thomas Jefferson’s Wise Advice

From Five Cent Nickel: Is Your Credit Union Safe?

From My Open Wallet: Marriage and Health Care Costs

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Converting Silver into Gold & Bronze: My Frugal Olympic Hair Event

I've converted silver into gold and bronze, with henna: a frugal and safe hair coloring. It's part of my ongoing effort to cope with the widening silver band in the middle of my dark hair.

My silver streak -- the main one -- is like a fat, silver ribbon through my hair. I've been told that it looks pretty. I've been told that it's a witch's streak. (Something like Lily Monster.) I've been told to just deal with it or make peace with being middle-aged. Apart from my hair, I look as if I'm in my 30s, but I just turned 50. Clearly, I'm conflicted about my hair and my age. "You're obviously having trouble with the aging process," my 10-year-old daughter told me last night. She disapproves of my efforts to color my hair.

But I'm just not feeling the salt-and-pepper hair (on me). All-dark hair is fine; all-silver hair would be cool. I'm just not there yet. But I'm not willing to submit to the health risk or the high-costs of commercial hair dyes.

So henna treatments --all natural vegetable dye without additives or preservatives -- are my solution. Last month, I applied a dark -- almost black henna -- to my hair. Great results with one problem: When the dark henna faded, my silver streak looked green. (The black dye is really dark green plant leaves). So my hair faded into salt-pepper & mint-green shades. No, thanks!

Today, I gave myself highlights for a total cost of about $5. My technique: I applied Rainbow's "Persian Light Brown" to the fat gray streak near my temple. Mixed with hot brewed coffee and assorted brown herbal teas, the light brown henna covered the silver streak.

The winning hues: Gold and bronze ribbons through my dark hair. When I grow up, I'll aim for the silver. I'm just not there yet.

In the meantime, here are a few more tips for anyone using all-natural henna to color hair:

How to Color Hair with Henna:

1. Blend carefully. Mix the henna with hot teas, coffees and other natural ingredients for extra color, shine and conditioning.

2. Experiment with color. The all-black henna was a little to "goth" for me and I wasn't fond of the mint-green highlights when the black henna faded from my gray hair. Solution: Apply a light brown color for highlights and also mix that shade into the dark henna for more depth and tones. I will experiment with more custom colors. Next time, I'll add a warm red and a dark brown to the henna mix. Each container costs $$6.99 and is good for a few applications.

3. Be neat. Major disclaimer: Applying henna is a messy, messy job. It's like taking a mud bath. Cover surfaces and clean as you go. Place the mixing bowl in the bathtub or cover the sink area with plastic or newspaper. Wear a tee-shirt that you hate.

4. Keep the gloves on. Henna stains hands and nails. Therefore, until you have washed the last little bit of henna out of your hair, the gloves should stay on. Otherwise, your hands and nails will look as if you have not had a bath in two years. In fact, my hands are quite stained and untidy as I type this. My manicure is ruined and my nails look very dirty because I took the gloves off too soon.

5. Protect your face and hair line. Coat your face, ears, neck and shoulders with olive oil and Vaseline. Green, black or metallic henna-colored-skin is not so pretty when it's not by design.

Related article:

How to Save Money on Hair Coloring (Sorry Jamie Lee!!)

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Last-Minute Back-to-School Shopping Tips: FamilyCorner.com

Use upcoming clearance sales to get a headstart on the 2009-2010 school year! That's one of the frugal, back-to-school shopping ideas from the editors of FamilyCorner.com.

Here's the list:

"Think ahead…
Your child doesn’t go back to school for another month. When is the best time to start shopping?

“To be honest, the best time to start shopping was last year’s back-to school clearance,” says Amanda Formaro of FamilyCorner.com. “This year’s back-to-school clearance is a great place to stock up for next year.”

Most stores hold their annual school supply clearances in late September, and generally offer discounts of 50% to 90% on essential supplies such as notebooks and pencils. Going back to the store a second time for crayons and college rule paper might not sound like fun, but you’ll thank yourself next year.


…But don’t jump the gun.
It’s only natural to want to get your family’s school shopping behind you as quickly as possible, especially when money is tight. But keep in mind that you won’t know exactly what your children will need until they get supply lists from their teachers.

“It’s a good idea to wait and see which supplies your kids will really need,” says Formaro. “Oftentimes, parents buy their kids brand-new markers, scissors, and glue sticks only to find out that those items are provided by the school – and that they should have bought rulers, calculators, and storage boxes instead.”

So unless you find bargains too incredible to pass up, save yourself some frustration by waiting to do most of your shopping until after the first day of school.


Don’t cheap out where it matters…
Sometimes it pays to not go for the cheapest option on school supplies. Case in point: Backpacks.

“Backpacks tend to be among the more expensive back-to-school items, but it’s important to look at a backpack as an investment,” says Formaro. “A durable, quality backpack will cost more up-front, but will save you money in the long run by lasting through several school years.”

If you opt for this strategy, try to avoid backpacks with trendy cartoon or movie characters emblazoned on them. Instead, go for more traditional solid colors or plaids. After all, this year’s hot Dark Knight Batman backpack won’t be quite as cool in a few years.


…But do cheap out if it makes sense.
“Some kids just seem to have a knack for losing things – even big, bulky things like entire backpacks filled with books,” says Formaro. “And they often repeat this process more than once a school year.”

If this sounds familiar, investing in an expensive backpack or lunchbox doesn’t make much sense if it will disappear in less than a month. Instead, a great source for free supplies is special events and giveaways. Baseball game family nights, county fairs, health seminars, and street fairs often feature vendors giving away free backpacks, totes, and even clothing. The quality might not be the best, but there will be no pain when the items go missing or forgotten. Many restaurants and toy companies also have special offers – just keep your eye out for them.


Give older kids a taste of the “real world.”
If you have teenagers, consider giving them a budget – especially for clothes. They can choose all the items they buy, as long as they stay within their given limit.

“It’s amazing how kids get creative when they’re put in charge of their clothing budget,” says Formaro. “Suddenly, they understand what the word ‘designer’ entails and become more open to less expensive versions of the same look.”

This technique allows kids to have a sense of freedom (choosing their own wardrobes) while learning real-world budgeting skills. Just remember to gently remind them that what they’re buying needs to last the entire school year – and stand firm on rejecting all last-minute requests for more money.


Make the Internet your first stop.
Whether you’re looking to buy a cheap calculator or a laptop computer, checking online coupon and special deal sites is a must before you leave the house. These sites feature little-known special discounts, rebates, and other special promotions on a huge variety of products that you’d otherwise never hear of. Searching for items is simple and takes just a few minutes – and you could be rewarded with significant savings. Just keep in mind that you may have to buy some items online to take advantage of some promotions.

Some of our favorite coupon sites include UltimateCoupons.com, DealLocker.com, Bargainist.com, and Boddit.com, which is a search engine that aggregates special offers and deals from a variety of sites______________

Here's how to buy my new book:

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@ Barnes & Noble
@ Borders
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Busting Myths about "Old" Analog TV Sets

"Don't fall for the following myths about the upcoming switch from analog to digital television broadcasting, set for February 17, 2009," according to the folks at the Center for a New American Dream, a consumer watchdog group.

Here's the Center's list of myths and explanations:

"Myth #1: I need a digital converter box.
Probably not! Unless you are watching free, over-the-air broadcasting with the help of “rabbit ears,” on a TV purchased before March 2007 that does not have a built-in digital tuner, you do not need to buy or use a digital converter box. Read more.

Myth #2: I need to buy a high–definition television to benefit from this switch to digital.
You won’t notice a major difference in image quality. If you were already planning to buy a new television set, earn back the cash in electricity savings with an ENERGY STAR model. Read more.

Myth #3: I can just put the old set out on the curb.
The average television is used for less than two years--don't let yours end up in the landfill. Donate working machines and recycle broken sets. Read more."

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Here's how to buy my new book:

@ Amazon.com
@ Barnes & Noble
@ Borders
@ Target.com

More Tips: How to Get a Fair Deal When Splitting the Tab with Friends

You want to eat out with your friends, but you don't want to overpay for your portion of the group bill. That's a problem that I wrote about in this post: Ripped Off at Group Dinner: Splitting the Bill? Here are more suggestions, including tips from readers.

• Stay home: Tell everyone to bring a dish and then have a group meal at a friend's home. If there's no dessert, consider going out for ice cream or coffee. The cost of a dessert-only bill is a lot cheaper than the cost of a restaurant meal.


• Segregate beverages from meals: If the dining party includes water-only drinkers and high-end wine tasters, consider asking for a separate beverage tap. With this system, the drinkers with expensive tastes would have the burden of splitting the beverage bill and the food-only tab can be fairly divided.


• Separate bills: If you know that the party includes big eaters with expensive tastes, ask for your own bill.


• Sub-group bills. In one large group meal, diners were divided into smaller groups, with each group being responsible for their own bill. This system is less of a nightmare for the waiter and creates more accountability. What's more, diners with similar budgets and spending habits can stick together and those with big-ticket appetites can hit the same tab.

Here are great suggestions from the comment section of the original post:

finance girl said...

My approach to group dinners is expect to pay for things you didn't order and expect to pay waaay more than do when it's just you/significant other or you/significant other and another couple (where it's easier to divvy up the bill).

I will never ever ever understand why people who order more expensive things don't pony up their fair share, but they usually don't. We once went out to dinner with a large group and agreed to close out the tab (we had arranged it). We ended up paying $350 over what we had expected! (lots of people obviously hadn't factored in their drinks). sigh, oh well.

Chaucey said...
I'd always pay for my own. If there were some shared side dishes likes breads then I'd make sure to have one of those added to my individual bill.

I don't think it is fair to expect others to subsidise me or vice versa. Some meals, like Yum Cha are better with a split bill, but I'd still pay for my own drinks.

Alicia said...
I had a similar experience as your friend when I went out with a group of old college friends. Now before we even go out in a group, it's stated whether the bill will be split or everyone pays for their own. That way I have some idea what I'm getting into in advance, and can judge if I'm with a big spender group or not.

lulugal11 said...

That is really messed up for those who ordered water and had to pay more.I don't drink alcohol so I always decided before we start to order that my meal is on a separate check. If everyone else wants to split then that is their problem but I always tell the people I am eating with that I want to pay for my own meal so we can tell the waitstaff BEFORE they start to take the order.

This works for me because restaurant portions are so big that I don't even eat an appetizer before the meal.

Make a decision before you start ordering to save the confusion and hurt feelings.

_____________________________
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Don't Raid Retirement Funds to Pay Everyday Expenses: Kiplinger's

The folks at Kiplinger's sent me this information about "6 Surefire Ways to Boost Your Nest Egg."

"In a recent AARP survey of workers 45 and older, one-third said they had stopped contributing to their retirement plans and another 23% had tapped their retirement funds prematurely. But the long-term impact of doing either of these things can be devastating.

So, keep your retirement planning on track, according to the September issue of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance.

1. Contribute at least enough to your 401(k) plan to capture your employer’s match, and bump up future contributions automatically.

2. If you are 50 or older, make additional “catch-up” contributions of up to $5,000 a year.

3. If you own a business, take advantage of tax breaks and shift the additional money to savings.

4. Don’t raid your retirement accounts early. You’ll lose the benefits of compounding.

5. Plan to work a few years longer to fatten your kitty and your Social Security check.

6. If you are already retired, reduce your annual withdrawals until the stock market bounces back."

Here's the link to the full retirement article
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Thrifty Alternatives to Bottled Water: A National Campaign

We've pinched and reorganized our household budgets. But we often overpay for commercially bottled water, which costs 3,000 times more than tap water. On an annual basis, the typical American consumer spends $1,400 on bottle water, versus 49 cents for the same amount of water from our kitchen faucet, according to the Center for a New American Dream, a nonprofit consumer group in Maryland.

Bottled water does not taste better, according to blind taste tests, and tap water must meet stricter safety measures. Therefore, New American Dream has just launched a national educational campaign designed to promote filtered water from the kitchen sink.

To help you calculate how much more you may be spending for bottled water, New American Dream provides a cost calculator at www.newdream.org/water. By plugging in how many bottles of water your family consumes each year and the retail costs of that water, you'll find out how much you could save by switching to filtered tap water.

Consider these numbers: A gallon of water from your kitchen sink costs about .002, which is less than one cent, based on the national average. In contrast, you'll pay --on average -- about $1.50 for a 20-ounce container of bottled of water. What's more, about 40 percent of the bottled water sold in stores, is actually just tap water, according to New American Dream.

Fortunately, there are cheaper alternatives. For the home, there are filtering systems that include simple counter-top pitchers --for less than $20-- that filter water poured into the vessel and elaborate filters for the kitchen faucet. And when we're away from home, portable but reusable bottle filters enable you to filter water from faucets and drinking fountains.

Here are tips for saving money with do-it-yourself filtered water.

*Get a local report. Request a "Consumer Confidence Report," which measures contaminants in local water. Ask your local water company for a copy of that report or check online through the Environmental Protection Agency. A local water safety report will help you decide what type of filter is best for your home.

*Stay chilled. To avoid impulse or emergency purchases of water bottles, keep a stock of cold water in reusable, nontoxic bottles in your refrigerator. Stash extra reusable bottles in the family cars, backpacks and other practical locations.
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Ripped Off at Group Dinner: Splitting the Bill?

What do you do when the bill arrives during a group dinner? Do you split the bill evenly or whip out the calculator to figure out tax, tip and your portion of the tab?

Recently, about 10 couples gathered for a discount dinner at a high-end restaurant in Miami. For $36 a person, dinners received three courses: appetizer, main course and dessert. It was part of a special summer promotion.

A very frugal friend and her husband rarely go out to eat. But the opportunity to enjoy a high-end restaurant meal for $36 and meet with a group of friends lured them out of their normal menu of home-cooked meals.

During the meal, my friends ordered one glass each of the low-cost house wine. One couple ordered only water and others ordered expensive wine and vodka. When the tab came, a few of the couples insisted on splitting the bill, which was not a good deal for everyone at the table.

My friend's portion of the bill was roughly triple the amount she had budgeted for the evening.
At first my friend and her hubby were upset with their inflated bill. But then she realized that that the time spent with good friends was worth the extra expense.

What do you during group meals? What's the best strategy for dining out in a large group? Separate checks or a relaxed attitude?

I have some frugal ideas about dining out. To hear my ideas, please meet me at the Starbucks store at 29th St. & Park Avenue in Midtown Manhattan on August 11.
(Full details below.)

I'll share my favorite frugal ideas and offer free samples of iced coffee, plus more. I'll be chatting about my new book: The Frugal Duchess: How to Live and Save Money.

I'll also offer tips about how to spend less money for back-to-school/fall shopping.
Here's the official invite:

An Invitation!

You are invited to my Sip 'n Save book party at the Starbucks location at 29th & Park Avenue. The event features free samples of iced coffee.

Date: Monday, August 11, 2008
Time: 2-3 p.m.
Location: Starbucks @ 424 Park Avenue South
29th & Park Avenue
New York, New York

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Meet Me at Starbucks in NYC: Free Iced Coffee Samples & Money-Saving Ideas

Frugal uses for Starbucks? I have a few ideas: cheap dates, low-rent offices and free fertilizer for your garden.

To get the full list, please meet me at the Starbucks store at 29th St. & Park Avenue in Midtown Manhattan on August 11. (Full details below.) I'll share my favorite frugal ideas and offer free samples of iced coffee, plus more.


I'll be chatting about my new book: The Frugal Duchess: How to Live and Save Money. I'll also offer tips about how to spend less money for back-to-school/fall shopping.

Here's the official invite:

An Invitation!

You are invited to my Sip 'n Save book party at the Starbucks location at 29th & Park Avenue.
The event features free samples of iced coffee.

Date: Monday, August 11, 2008
Time: 2-3 p.m.
Location: Starbucks @ 424 Park Avenue South

29th & Park Avenue
New York, New York


"Award-winning journalist Sharon Harvey Rosenberg shares how she lives a life of high style without the stress of high costs or deprivation. In The Frugal Duchess of South Beach (DPL Press, $14.95), she chronicles her often hilarious journey of luxury living for less in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S., while equipping readers with the tools they can use in their own cities." --Books & Books in Miami Beach

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Related Posts:

Fertilizer from Starbucks, Cheap Anti-Cellulite Cream & Other Uses for Coffee Grounds

10 Reasons Why I'll Work at Starbucks: Late Bloomers Guide to Saving: Pt. 3

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Shopping, Buying & Other Money-Saving Tips from eBay Expert

I enjoyed reading "eBay’s Guide to Financial Fitness." The money-saving tips were smart and include advice about using misspelled words to bargain hunt.

Here are the tips:

"First-Time Buyers


Never assume. Missing information in the item description? Don’t fill in the blanks; directly contact the seller before you commit to buying anything. Click on the “Ask seller a question” link from any listing to email questions and get more detailed information.

Research! You can find virtually any information you need online. Start by researching product information, reading reviews and checking the value of what you’re buying. The more you know, the more successful you’ll be.

Follow through. When you buy it, pay for it quickly to complete the transaction.

Use PayPal. PayPal is the safer, easier way to pay online. Beginning this holiday season, PayPal will provide you with unlimited coverage on your purchases.

Frequent Buyers

Hidden Gems. Find a great deal by using search terms with spelling mistakes (sometimes sellers forget to spell check their listings) or search for an item with the terms “outlet,” “liquidation” or “refurbished” to find a bargain.

Communicate. If something needs to be addressed during the transaction, contact the seller directly. The best way is to reach the seller is via email or, if a number is available, give them a call.

Analyze feedback. After you’ve narrowed down your search, check seller feedback and ratings for each item. Remember, give preference to the seller with the highest feedback score – it means they have the best reputation as a seller.

Don’t be afraid. eBay is set up to hold people accountable. If a problem cannot be resolved by contacting the seller directly, rely on eBay. To get more information, click on the Security and Resolution Center link located at the top of any eBay.com page and report your problem.

eBay Addicts

Be adventurous. If you’re comfortable and frequently use eBay to buy from one or two categories, consider exploring other categories to find new, unearthed items. For example, an antiques dealer can find great vintage items in the Clothing, Shoes and Accessories category beyond just shopping in Collectibles.

Consider pre-owned. To save some cash, consider searching and purchasing used items. Review your search results to select the item that best suits your needs – chances are you’ll come across the perfect find at a great price.

Trade up. If you’re looking for a little extra cash to purchase the next must-have item on your list, all you have to do is sell an item on eBay. Voila! You’ve now recycled, cleaned house and earned money to purchase another great product.
Luxuriate! On eBay, you can find a range of high-end items, from consumer electronics to clothing and accessories. Be as specific as possible when searching for an item – include both the brand name and model number. You can also add in helpful search terms like “authentic,” “collectors,” “rare” or an era to help narrow your search."

--source: Jim “Griff” Griffith, eBay’s Dean of Education and author of “The Official eBay Bible,” has been the foremost education expert on eBay since 1996, when he was invited to join the company as its first customer support representative."
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Back to School with 'Zero-Waste Lunches'

With "zero-waste lunches" you could save lots of money and avoid dumping 67 pounds of waste into landfills this year. That frugal tip comes from the Center for a New American Dream. The money-saving and green-living tips from this organization include helpful links:

Budget-Saving & Eco-Friendly Lunch Ideas

• "Check out WasteFreeLunches.org for more facts and tips on greener lunches.
• No matter what’s on the menu, a zero-waste lunch starts with two ingredients: a reusable lunch container and a refillable water bottle.
• Instead of plastic wrap or aluminum foil, switch to a washable sandwich wrapper—either buy one or make your own.
• Try buying in bulk to stock a lunchbox with healthy alternatives to commercialized single-serving foods. Find a food co-op selling bulk foods near you.
• Learn more about smarter lunches for you, your family, and your school on this Back to School Lunch page."

Source: Center for a New American Dream
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