Telling My Daughter the Truth about Her New 'Friend,' The Salesclerk!

I had to tell my daughter the truth. At the risk of hurting my baby's feelings, I had to tell her that the cool teenager in the 'tween-age clothing store was not really a friend. The 16-year-old salesclerk --so cute, so charming -- was more interested in my 10-year-old daughter's wallet.

I hope I did the right thing.

'Tween Queens

Here's the scenario: To kill time before a movie, my daughter and I wandered into a store that targets girls ages 8-12. It's a great concept. Driven by Miley Cyrus --Hannah Montana -- and other young stars, the 'tween market for merchandise is hot.

Preteen girls have allowances and a desire for cute clothes and trinkets. As a frugal mom, I should have re-directed our window-shopping expedition. But my daughter wanted to check out the bright store, which featured videos, magazines and other gear from various Nick Jr. and Disney stars.

Immediately, a salesgirl in a ponytail and jeans, swooped down on us. Before I could say "bling-bling," the cute salesclerk had picked out several outfits for my daughter, complete with a cute matching cap.

Long Lines, Short Time Frame

With our movie about to start, we did not have time for the dressing room or the lengthy cashier line. My daughter promised to return. After the movie, my daughter gushed about the really nice salesclerk as we ran back to the store. (What was I thinking? Clearly, I had 'tween fever!)

"She was so nice," my daughter said. "She spent so much time with me. I just want to go by and say 'hi' to her. I promised her that I would come back after the movie."


Shopping Reality Trip

At this point, I halted in the middle of the crowded mall.

"She's not really your friend," I blurted out. "She just wants you to buy all that stuff that she picked out for you."

"You mean she doesn't really like me?" My daughter is visibly distressed.

I soften up and carefully select my words.

"Sure, she likes you. But she also likes your business. She wants you to buy those outfits. She makes more money when you spend more money," I said.

Reconsidering the Merchandise

When we returned to the store, my daughter made a big effort to track down and wave to the friendly salesgirl, who at this point was best-buds with another little girl and a huge stack of trendy clothing.

My daughter studied the cute plaid hat. It was $15. I mentioned that the hat might be cheaper --marked down -- in a few months. But I still let her decide if she wanted to spend her hard-earned money, (she works as a mother's helper), on the little cotton cap. My daughter returned the hat to the display. She'd rather save her money and besides the line was still so long.

What would you have done? Would you have told her the truth about the salesclerk? Should I have continued to let her believe that the cool clerk was a friend?

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By the way, I'm hosting a Q&A session at a Wise Bread Forum:

"For this entire week (8/18- 8/24), Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be answering questions in our forum about blogging, personal finance, and her new book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money Anywhere "

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Here's how to buy my new book:

@ Amazon.com
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Permanently Altered: How I Avoided Red-Tag Seduction

After over a year without new clothes, I recently went shopping for party clothes to wear to an important family event. But four stores and several hours later, I returned home with clothes for my children, but nothing for me. Clearly, my new clothes boycott has permanently altered my shopping patterns. Here's how:

Red-Tag Fatigue: I looked at the sales rack and yawned. In the past, red tags with alleged savings of 60 percent to 75 percent discounts would have made my heart beat faster. But I've done the math and I'm not impressed by red tags. If a garment was originally marked up by 500 percent or 1000 percent over the wholesale price, a 60 percent price shave doesn't sound like such a must-have good deal.

Quality Patrol: Rather than a shopping cart of just markdowns, I was looking for an evening outfit that was stylish, well-cut and affordable. That process takes time. But in the past, I've snapped up clothing that almost fits or almost looks good. I've also spent a small fortune getting clothing tailored to fit my frame. This year, I declined to waste money on near-hits that just sit in my closet or make me look bad.

Is it Really for Me?: One year, at Marshall's I saw a cute outfit that was literally marked down to 50 cents. (Honestly!) It was a two-piece floral cotton outfit that looked sort-of preppy. Wearing that cotton suit with its big fake-gold buttons and white Peter Pan collar, I looked like I should have been lunching with the ladies in Palm Beach. Correction: I looked like a Palm Beach wannabe (a social pretender) in a cheap imitation of a Lilly Pulitzer suit that was poorly cut and soooo not me. Bottom Line: I wasted 50 cents buying an outfit that was affordable, but out of character. I was lured by the 50-cent red tag. This year, a reality check kept me away from the cash register.

Old Clothes Ties: Like a past heartache that won't fade, I'm constantly drawn to the old clothes in my closet. Do I really need to buy a new party outfit? Can I wear something old? Is it possible to update an older garment with new shoes or a hat? Can I buy a new jacket to wear with an older dress? Those were a few of the questions that slowed my progress through the racks.

Wait-and-See: I actually saw several dresses, suits and gowns that I really, really liked. But I left the store empty-handed in order to take time to think about those purchases. It's a wise move and I've promised to sit down at least once while shopping: (I Won't Eat or Spend While Standing Up.) I've made mistakes in the past by making impulsive decisions about clothing, finance and relationships. A wait-and-see attitude forces me to make mindful choices about my money, wardrobe and life.

Need vs. Wants: Of course, I made sure that other family members purchased what they needed and wanted for the party. But when I thought about what I needed, I looked down at my feet. At the end of the day, I went to the parking lot with a $15 pair of leather clogs (marked down from about $60) to replace an old pleather/plastic pair from Payless ($6 on sale) that I had purchased about two years ago. My old shoes were really beat up. I started to leave them on the street for a homeless person, but my children vetoed my plans. Their arguments: 1) No one could fit into my Cinderella shoes and 2) No homeless person would want such a worn pair of slip-on heels.

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Hairspray Star (Amanda Bynes) Sells $20 Clothing

Add another celebrity to the roster of frugal clothes lines. Amanda Bynes, who stars in the movie Hairspray, is launching Dear, a line of $20-and-under clothing at Steve & Barry's.

In her clothes debut, Bynes joins Sarah Jessica Parker, who also has a $20 line at Steve & Barry's. Parker's line is called Bitten and..."was designed for women of all ages and sizes, with a full size range from XS-XXL in tops, 0-22 in bottoms, and 5-11 in shoes. "

I checked out the "Dear" line and it's suited for my nine-year-old daughter. Cute, low-key and age appropriate for pre-teens and teens.

Steve & Barry's has this corporate objective: to sell clothes that cost less than a sack of groceries or a tank of gas. As such their prices are typically "50% to 90% less" than other stores. Here's the link to the company's website.

It will be interesting to see if the brands at Steve & Barry's are of a decent quality.

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